How much TV should kids be allowed to watch?

By Dr John Medina, USA

sarawakstar@thestar.com.my

THE issue of kids’ exposure to TV doesn’t throw off as many sparks as it used to. There is general agreement that a child’s exposure to television of any type should be limited. There is also general agreement that we are completely ignoring this advice.

I remember as a kid waiting every Sunday night for Walt Disney’s “Wonderful World of Color” to come on, and loving it. I also remember my parents turning off the television when it was over. We don’t do that anymore.

Americans two years of age and older now spend an average of four hours and 49 minutes per day in front of the TV – 20% more than 10 years ago. And we are getting this exposure at younger and younger ages, made all the more complex because of the wide variety of digital screen time now available.

Medina: Keep the TV out of the kids’ room.

In 2003, 77 percent of kids under six watched television every day. And children younger than two got two hours and five minutes of “screen time” with TVs and computers per day.

What effect might this have on our children’s brains? It’s not good news.

For decades we have known of the connection between hostile peer interactions and the amount of kids’ exposure to television.

The linkage used to be controversial (maybe aggressive people watch more TV than others), but we now see that it’s an issue of our deferred-imitation abilities, coupled with a loss of impulse control.

One personal example: When I was in kindergarten, my best friend and I were watching “The Three Stooges,” a 1950s TV show. The programme involved lots of physical comedy, including people sticking their fingers in other people’s eyes.

When the show was over, my friend fashioned his little fingers into a V, then quickly poked me in both eyes. I couldn’t see anything for the next hour and was soon whisked to the emergency room. Diagnosis: scratched corneas and a torn eye muscle.

Other examples come from studies that looked at bullying, attentions spans and the ability to focus, and secondhand exposure to TV.

Disturbing stuff. Since the first studies on television, researchers have discovered that not everything about TV is negative. The effect depends upon the content of the TV show, the age of the child, and perhaps even the child’s genetics. Before age two, TV is best avoided completely.

That includes videos that claim to be baby brain-boosters. (More on that, and video games, in my new book, “Brain Rules for Baby: How to Raise a Smart, Happy Child from Zero to Five.”)

After age five, the jury is out on this harsh verdict – way out, in fact. Some television shows improve brain performance at this age. Not surprisingly, these shows tend to be the interactive types (“Dora the Explorer,” good; “Barney and Friends,” bad, according to certain studies).

So, although the case is overwhelming that television exposure should be limited, TV cannot be painted with a monolithic brush.

Here are a few recommendations for TV viewing the data suggest:

Keep the TV off before the child turns two. I know this is tough to hear for parents who need a break. If you can’t turn it off – if you haven’t created those social networks that can allow you a rest – at least limit your child’s exposure to TV.

We live in the real world, after all, and an irritated, overextended parent can be just as harmful to a child’s development as an annoying purple dinosaur.

After age two, help your children choose the shows (and other screen-based exposures) they will experience. Pay special attention to any media that allow intelligent interaction.

Watch the chosen TV show with your kids, interacting with the media, helping them to analyse and think critically about what they just experienced.

And keep the TV out of the kids’ room: Kids with their own TVs score an average of eight points lower on math and language-arts tests than those in households with TVs in the family room.

To watch related videos and for more information, please visit www.brainrulesasia.com

Dr John Medina will hold live seminars for parents in Klang Valley and Sarawak next year.

Mengajak Anak Memasak Bersama

Alam kanak-kanak sentiasa dipenuhi oleh benda baru. Ia suatu proses pembelajaran biarpun usianya baru setahun jagung. Jadi, sudah pasti banyak perkara yang mahu dicubanya termasuklah membantu ibunya memasak dan menyediakan hidangan di dapur. Ini biasanya dilakukan oleh anak perempuan. Namun, peranan anda sebagai ibu amat penting bagi memantau keselamatannya. Panduan berikut boleh dimanfaatkan.

Buat pemantauan
Pemantauan berterusan perlu dilakukan untuk menjaga keselamatan anak anda tidak kiralah anak anda itu sudah mahir di dapur atau tidak. Sentiasalah memerhati gerak gerinya ketika di dapur. Tegur dengan segera jika dia melakukan kesilapan.

Tetapkan peraturan
Gunakan ayat yang ringkas dan mudah difahami untuk membuat peraturan keselamatan yang perlu diturutinya. Terangkan kepada anak semua peraturan itu. Jika anak anda enggan ikut peraturan, bermakna dia masih belum bersedia untuk bersama anda di dapur.

Sesuaikan waktu
Bukan semua waktu memasak sesuai dilakukan bersama anak, lebih-lebih lagi jika anda berada di dalam keadaan yang tergesa-gesa. Mungkin anda tidak dapat memantau anak. Mungkin juga dia akan melakukan kesilapan hingga menyebabkan kecederaan dirinya. Pastikan suasana dapur dalam keadaan selesa semasa si kecil membantu anda di dapur.

Penjelasan ringkas
Kanak-kanak hanya akan merasa seronok jika dapat memban tu ib unya di dapur tanpa memikir kan bahaya yang mungkin dihadapinya. Jadi, sebelum memasak terangkan kepadanya akiba t jika dia main-main atau tidak serius.

Nilaikan kelayakan
Tidak semua anak kecil boleh dibenarkan berlegar bebas di dapur apatah lagi jika anda sedang memasak. Nilai sejauh mana anak anda dapat membantu anda di dapur. Jika dia masih terlalu kecil, sukar dipantau dan tidak betah duduk diam lebih baik jauhkan dia dari ruang dapur.

Bantu dan ajar anak
Jika anak anda baru belajar menggunakan perkakasan dapur atau memotong bawang, bantunya terlebih dahulu. Peralatan seperti pisau membahayakan dirinya. Pemantauan daripada anda dapat mengelakkan kecederaan.

Tugasan bersesuaian
Jika anda mahu memberikan sebarang tugasan kepadanya, lihat dahulu sejauh mana kebolehann ya. Lihat kepada usia dan kemahiran yang ada padanya. Jika anak anda itu rendah dari pada ketinggian dapur dan masih belum pandai mengguna kan senduk, usahlah sesekali memin tanya mengacau gulai di dapur.

30 cara latih si kecil

Ingin tahu bagaimana melatih si kecil dengan cara yang mudah melalui 30 idea yang merangkumi kraf, muzik dan lukisan. Mudah untuk anda, mudah untuk si kecil! Pasti anda dan si kecil ‘sibuk’ sepanjang hari.

1.Kemas baju

Ambil pakaian yang hendak dibasuh dan sebutkan warnanya. Kemudian biarkan dia memasukkan pakaian itu ke dalam bakul pakaian untuk dibasuh. .

2. Mewarna

Beri si kecil air, kertas lukisan dan berus. Dan biarkan dia ‘cat’ mengikut kreativitinya.

3. Main pasir

Letak sedikit pasir dalam bekas dan masukkan mainan kecil yang disembunyikan di dalamnya. Berikan penyeduk pasir kecil untuk dia mulakan pencarian ‘harta karun’ itu.

4. Permainan adunan.

Ambil tepung dan air. Biarkan si kecil anda menggaul adunan itu dengan senduk kayu. Buatkan adunan itu menjadi bebola kecil. Pengalaman yang menakjubkannya!

5. Pilih dan cari

Guna gula-gula yang berwarna-warni dan letakkan dalam mangkuk. Si kecil akan mengasingkan gula-gula mengikut warna dalam bekas yang berlainan.

6. Laman web

Cari laman web yang mempunyai karakter yang menjadi kegemaran si kecil. Pastikan laman web itu berwarna-warni dan mempunyai melodi.

7. Bersihkan

Biarkan dia membasuh set pinggan plastiknya. Berikan span dan bekas yang dipenuhi buih sabun untuk dia membasuh. Dia akan merasa dirinya dihargai.

8. Anak patung kecil

Keluarkan anak patung mainan lamanya. Sudah lama dia tidak bermain dengan mainan itu dan sudah pasti diakan menyukai mainan lamanya itu.

9. Menari dan membaca

Dapatkan buku yang mempunyai CD. Setelah si kecil seronok melihat gambar yang berwarna-warni dalam buku, dia akan menari mengikut rentak muzik dalam CD itu.

10. Teka barang mainan

Bungkus beberapa barang mainan kesukaannya. Biarkan dia membukanya untuk meneka mainan itu. Jangan guna terlalu banyak pelekat. Biarkan dia membuka dengan mudah pembalut itu.

11. Album gambar

Guna buku nota dan beberapa gambar anda, suami dan keluarga. Bantu anak anda untuk menampal gambar itu dan sementara itu tanya, adakah dia mengenali orang dalam gambar itu.

12. Main buih

Tiup buih sabun. Anda boleh membuat buih sabun ketika si kecil mandi dengan sampu dan mandian badannya.

13. Ikut saya

Biarkan si kecil anda mengikut anda- melompat, menari, berjalan dengan pantas dan duduk. Kemudian anda pula mengikut pergerakannya.

14. Permainan muzik

Mainkan muzik, kemudian beritahu dia perlu duduk dengan cepat apabila muzik berhenti. Pasti si kecil suka!

15. Buat peti surat

Guna bekas bijirin lama dan cat warna merah untuk buat peti surat. Potong kertas untuk membuat sampul surat dan setem untuk dia poskan ke dalam peti surat buatan itu. Dia akan berasa bangga apabila diberi tanggungjawab

19. Rakam aksinya

Rakam aksinya. Kemudian tunjukkan kepadanya aksi-aksinya yang mencuit hati. Pasti dia akan gembira melihat rakaman aksi spontannya.

20. Ke taman permainan

Bawa bola dan anak patung bersama. Anda dan si kecil pasti seronok bermain bersama dengan udara pagi yang segar.

21. Kentang bercorak

Potong kentang beberapa keling dan bentuk beberapa saiz dan corak pada kentang. Biarkan si kecil menyapu pewarna air dan menampalkan di atas kertas lukisan. Lihat dia berjaya melakukannya!

22. Buat kolaj

Kanak-kanak suka menampal. Gunakan kertas warna-warni, kapas dan kain untuk ditampal.

23. Kuih tat

Si kecil pasti suka membuat gulungan pastri apabila membuat kuih tat.

24. Permainan pasta

Berikan dia pasta, contohnya spageti yang kering, mangkuk dan bekas minum plastik. Biarkan dia asyik bermain dengannya!

25. Minum petang

Sediakan kain dan buatkan makanan untuk si kecil minum petang. ‘Jemput’ sekali anak patung kesayangannya ‘minum’ bersama-sama.

26. Alam semula jadi

Biarkan dia keluar di sekitar rumah. Berikan bakul untuk dia kumpul daun dan bunga.

27. Lampu isyarat

Anda adalah polis dan si kecil adalah kereta. Apabila anda berkata, ‘merah’, dia akan berhenti. Dan apabila ‘hijau’, dia akan bergerak.

28. Cerita lucu

Ceritakan suatu kisah lucu. Dan anda ketawa. Pasti si kecil akan turut ketawa sama.

29. Khemah

Susun kerusi dan letakkan kain di atas kerusi itu seakan khemah. Biarkan dia berimaginasi seketika.

30. ‘Kilang’ ais krim

Letakkan satu skop ais krim warna krim dalam mangkuk. Kemudian biarkan dia pilih ais krim berwarna untuk diletakkan pada bahagian atasnya sebagai hiasan.

Have rules vs no rules

Posted by: Brigitte Rozario Post(s) by this blogger

Is it better to have rules or have no rules when bringing up children? On one hand having rules helps guide them and teach them about what is acceptable behaviour. On the other hand, rules can be stifling and they tend to limit children's creativity, preventing them from thinking for themselves and thinking out of the box.

Let's see what a psychologist and a parent have to say on the matter.

Selina Ding

Selina Ding, educational and clinical psychologist:

"It depends on what type of rules you are talking about. We human beings are always governed by law. In any country there are rules. If you want to bring up children without rules it will be quite tough because children being children, they do not know how to control themselves because they are not mature enough to make decisions and solve problems.

I believe rules are important, especially so for children with learning disabilities like ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). If you don't set rules for them they will overrule others and distract the other children. If you don't set rules for them it will be hard to control them in places like the shopping mall.

So, rules are important especially if you want to guide them against doing things that are socially not acceptable.

But if you have too many rules then the child feels very restricted and suppressed. Children are like that. If you tell them don't do something, they will do it.

So, you need to strike a balance between having rules and not having rules. Rules are important to mould children to have morals and values. However, without rules children will be empowered to do things beyond our imagination. Having no rules is good if it leads to something positive but if without rules they just run wild then it's not good. So we need to strike a balance.

We have many types of parenting styles but the three common ones are the authoritative, autocratic and permissive. Autocratic parents are those who are very strict with rules. The parent has all the say and the child has no say. When they are younger, the children will listen to you because they don't have any power but when they become adolescents, they have verbal power (they can talk back), behaviour power (if they go silent) and motive power (you do not know what they are doing behind your back).

By late adolescence when you realise your rules are too strict it's too late because by then the child might not be talking to you and there's no communication. If you are too strict the child might become very timid, a follower and not a leader and an introvert. Because they are not allowed to express themselves, they internalise everything and this can lead to a lot of emotional problems. This will also affect their parenting style when they grow up and become parents themselves.

There is another type of parent who doesn't set rules. This is the permissive parent. This is when anything goes and you find the child is doing anything he or she wants to including hitting others. That is also very bad, I think. In this case the child will turn out too daring and bold or does not respect others' rights.

I think that parents should take the middle path and strike a balance. This is what we call authoritative parenting.

If you are not too strict all the time, it will encourage the child to be more creative and he or she can develop a healthy personality. When the rules are not too strict, the child can explore and when the child has problems the child will always come back to you.

Rules must come with love. Don't set rules without love."

Nur Anastasia Abdullah, mother of two:

"It is important to have rules when bringing up children. Rules are important because as parents, it is our duty to set boundaries for our children in order to guide them in their actions. When parents set rules, they should take the responsibility to explain to the child the reason for the particular rule and the pros and cons of the said rule. This will help the child to understand better and be able to differentiate between right and wrong.

When my children were toddlers, I had rules for mostly everything. However as they were growing up and proved that they could be trusted to do the right thing, the rules reduced over the years. Sometimes a new set of rules will have to come in as children grow and enter different phases in their lives, e.g. becoming teenagers.

If our children do wrong by the rules, we must talk to them and find out the reason for their actions as sometimes, things could seem different from a child's point of view. Parents are not always in the right just because they are adults and we must remember that rules are there for a reason and not seen as punishment by the children.

My siblings and I were raised with rules and as we were growing up there were times that I used to think my parents were not fair. However, my parents took the time to explain to us the reason they had certain rules and we understood that they were only doing it because they loved us.

I am very grateful to my parents for their rules as it is because of their actions that I have become the person I am today and am able to bring up my children in a responsible manner.

When children do not know how to differentiate between right and wrong, they will not know whether their actions are acceptable or unacceptable and thus will not respect other people and their surroundings.

An example of a basic rule: Children should be taught from young not to interrupt a conversation. If children are not taught this basic rule, they will interrupt conversations even when they become adults as they do not see anything wrong with this.

I taught my children when they were toddlers that if they wanted to interrupt while I was talking to another person, they should count till 10 before interrupting. As they grew older and could understand more, I explained to them that they should think if it was really urgent to speak their mind at that time or if they should wait longer.

When children have been following rules from young, it becomes a way of life and eventually they will be able to determine on their own whether they have acted in a responsible manner or not. What I did to teach my children to think on their own was to explain to them the possible consequences of following / not following a rule. I would ask them to chose the path they wanted and ask them to explain to me the reason they chose the particular path. In this way, they learned from young to think responsibly on their own.

In my opinion, parents will still be able to bring up their children without any rules, if they choose to, but in most cases where this happens, children grow to become irresponsible adults."

Should children earn their pocket money?

Posted by: Brigitte Rozario Post(s) by this blogger

Should children have to earn pocket money by doing chores around the house? Some argue that making children earn their pocket money makes them more responsible. Others say certain chores should be done regardless of the pocket money given.

Let's see what a professional trainer/author and a developmental psychologist have to say about this.

Jamilah Samian

Jamilah Samian, certified professional trainer and author of Cool Mum Super Dad and Cool Boys Super Sons:

"I give my children pocket money on a daily basis because although the school provides food it's not enough for them. There is a cafe in the school where they can buy food.

For me, when it comes to giving them housework it depends on what kind of housework. Some things like washing the dishes or cleaning their own room are things they have to do and they are not going to get paid for doing that. That is expected of them.

However, if they do something extra like teaching other young children then maybe I might give them some extra reward. When my children reach secondary school, they have to do some voluntary work. So, I might pay them a very minimal amount of money based on the effort. Part of it is voluntary but maybe later I might give them a little bit just as additional pocket money.

It's just a token sum and it's only towards the end of their voluntary work. I don't want them to do it because of the money.

Apart from that I don't give them pocket money per se. I am quite strict about that. If you want something, you have to earn it.

If they want to buy a toy, they have to save up the pocket money that I give them every day.

There is a difference between their needs and wants. Their needs are something we parents provide. The wants are something they should earn themselves.

I don't give them pocket money during the school holidays. I don't see why I need to give them pocket money then when everything is provided for."

Elaine Yong

Elaine Yong, developmental psychologist and Sunway University College lecturer:

"I think to a certain degree the bare minimum is necessary. They need money for recess time at school. But if they want extra, that's when I would get them to earn it.

If they want to buy a toy or a game, then I would ask them to earn the money to buy that because then it gives them an idea of what it takes to save the money and that it's not easily earned and they learn the value of money. By making them earn it, you would also be teaching them how to save up to make that big purchase.

They can earn the money by doing chores they don't already do regularly. Things like cleaning their room are basic things that they are already responsible for so those don't count. To earn money it should be for doing additional chores which are usually not done.

You can start practising this from the time they're in primary school because they understand from then and they would have been buying things from the canteen at this age. So, they would understand the value of money. At any earlier age, such as preschoolers, they are just beginning to understand that you need to use money in order to buy things."

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Traditional vs western medicine

Posted by: Brigitte Rozario Post(s) by this blogger

In Malaysia, a lot of people rely on western as well as traditional medicine and herbal remedies. Some swear by a particular concoction to get rid of the flu. Others insist traditional medicine is not safe at all.

Here, we have a mother and a paediatrician sharing their personal opinions on the matter.

Luie Chong, mother of one child aged 4+

Chong and her daughter.

I usually don't give my daughter antibiotics. I just let her try to recover on her own if it's a slight cold. I just give her more water, barley to drink and vegetables to eat.

My daughter also likes to eat cooked garlic. She can even eat one whole clove. I was very surprised but I've been told it's good for the immune system. Hopefully that will keep her healthy, too.

Plus, she loves to eat vegetables. She eats a lot and all kinds too - broccoli, cabbage and other types. She also likes to eat fruits.

If she can recover fast, then it's okay. If it looks like her cold is getting worse, then I will consult the doctor. If after five days, she's not getting better, I'll take her to the doctor, that is if there is no fever.

However, if she has a fever then I will give her paracetamol but still no antibiotics. This is because I was advised by the paediatrician not to give my child antibiotics so soon as it will only make her immune system weaker.

I follow the doctor's advice. I also try not to give her too much medicine and hope that she can try to heal herself but of course if she's getting worse I will take her to the doctor.

I don't practise this for myself. I have sinus problems and I know the cause and what I need to do to rectify the problem. I have been taking antibiotics and western medicine from young so there's no point for me to stop now.

For my daughter, it's different. From the time she was a baby up till now we still haven't given her antibiotics in the hope that she will recover on her own.

How long we keep this up depends on how she is once she starts going to school. If she has to take the medicine and antibiotics then we will give her that.

Paediatrician Dr Hon Mun Cheng:

Dr Hon

I'm really not for traditional medicine because I myself don't take it. A lot of parents still use a bit of traditional medicine.

I would say if you want to, then do it with caution but definitely not for children below one year old. Every individual has a different reaction to traditional as well as western medicine. But western medicine has been tested and studied and so many individuals have already tried it - so it's recognised, there's evidence that it works. However, traditional medicine is not recognised, there's no big study done on it. So, you can try giving it to your child but with caution because anything might happen.

We have seen a lot of patients who have tried traditional medicine and there were some adverse effects, some even resulted in seizures.

Some children even had seizures after taking spirulina supplements.

The seizures were so bad that the child went into a coma. After a few days without that supplement, the child recovered. So, you just have to be careful. Don't overdo it.

The marketing people who sell these supplements tend to make claims which are not evidence based. They might say it's perfectly safe and they will be so convincing that parents believe them.

A child's liver and kidneys are not as developed as those of an adult. The blood-brain barrier which protects the brain is not as formed as adults'. So, what happens is a lot of these supplements don't get metabolised by the liver because the liver is already overloaded. As a result, toxins are generated and they pass into the brain and cause seizures.

I think it's better that they don't try traditional medicine before going to the doctor. I would advise them to see the doctor first and determine what is the problem. If the doctor says you can continue with your traditional medicine, then carry on.

Traditional medicine doesn't go through any drug administration authority like the US FDA (Food and Drug Administration) and supplements don't go through stringent testing.

So, it's very dangerous because a lot of things are just classified as supplements and they are not scrutinised.

Some of the chinese traditional medicine specialist put everything in powder form and some of these formulas have steroids.

What happens is if an asthmatic child takes it, it will reduce his asthma. But if he takes it over a period of time, you will be able to see the effects on the child - he is chubby but that fat is not healthy fat, it's steroid-induced chubbiness, and the skin is thin.

It's not good in the long run because it causes Cushing's Syndrome which leads to high-blood pressure and other symptoms.

A lot of people are misleading the consumers. It's not true that traditional medicine is safer than modern medicine. You have to be careful. Check with your doctor if it is safe and especially stay away from any traditional medicine which is in powder form.

Nobody can claim that taking a supplement will prevent you from ever getting cancer or heart problems. We cannot predict that and neither can the traditional medicine specialists. We are not God.

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Trust vs spy on kids

Posted by: Brigitte Rozario Post(s) by this blogger

Is it okay to spy on your children? - Photo ©iStockphoto.com/ juanestey

Parents are always worried about their children - who they are friends with, what they are doing and where they are going. While it is important to trust your children, many parents admit to a bit of spying to ensure their kids are safe.

Should parents trust their children completely? Or is a little bit of spying now and then okay?

Elaine Yong

Elaine Yong, lecturer/ developmental psychologist at Sunway University College, says:

In my opinion, it is psychologically healthier for parents to trust their kids. According to the theories, trust between parent and child is formed by the child's first year of life. Through time, the trust becomes a strong foundation for the development of bonding between parent and child. This will explain why a child will automatically gravitate towards his/ her parents rather than any stranger.

Therefore, as the child matures, it is only natural that the parents continue to gain the trust of their child. One way is to adapt one's parenting to accommodate the mental and physical development of the growing child.

As soon as the child is able to comprehend right and wrong, parents should draw clear guidelines of acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. These rules will be a foundation for the child to behave in a socially acceptable manner both in and out of the home environment.

Parents should also be reasonable to allow their kids to negotiate these rules. This kind of parent-child relationship encourages a sense of independence and assertiveness in the child. The children will also be better able to manage their emotions and research shows that these benefits are long lasting into adulthood.

On the other hand, parents who believe that it is better to spy on their child will be betraying the basic trust established in the early years. The kids will not likely be willing to volunteer any information about their current love interest or other things to their parents.

As a result, I foresee more parent-child conflicts which will be ongoing and long-lasting especially during the teenage years of the child. Also, the mere act of spying will not educate the child what they should and shouldn't do but will teach them how to avoid getting caught by the parents. Is this the skill that parents want to instil in their young ones?

Aziza A.S., mother of three, says:

As much as I would like to trust my children 100%, I will not allow myself to do so. There are still open spaces of doubt despite "knowing" their friends. Especially when I have teenage kids (19,16 and 14). I still ask my 19-year-old son his whereabouts, etc. I have learnt to read between the lines of their replies ... and work from there.

I do spy on them but not all the time. It's all on a per-case basis. More of motherly instincts in sensing some untold truths and the blessed inborn female intuition put to good use. I don't spy intrusively but I get info from their siblings, friends and sometimes parents of their friends. Reason: We parents can't be totally in the blur. I have learnt from my childhood experience. If only my parents snooped a bit, I wouldn't have made some ugly mistakes growing up and chose wrong kinds of friends. A bit of wise snooping around would have been appreciated later in life.

Of course, it's okay to spy a bit. Just be discreet about it because kids would jump onto the rebellion wagon once they know that they are being spied on - especially by parent/s. We often have to step to their pace so as to get their groove. I prefer to be called a cool mom with a secret mission!

http://parenthots.com/interactive/blog/default.asp?cat=1

TEACHING CHILDREN ABOUT GRATITUDE

20 December 2010

I'm concerned about my young daughter's selfish attitude. She recently had a birthday, and as soon as she was finished unwrapping her gifts she started looking around for more! How do I discourage this kind of behaviour and help her develop a grateful heart?

That's an excellent question. To a great extent, the answer depends on your daughter's age. Smaller kids - toddlers, preschoolers and even some children in the lower elementary grades - may be a bit too young to grasp ideas like unselfishness and gratitude. They're still in the process of rounding out their self-concept and grasping what it means to be an individual “self” as distinguished from the rest of the world around them. If your child is only five or six years old, there's probably no reason to be overly concerned about her behaviour.

Of course, it's a different matter where older children are concerned. This is where many parents come face to face for the first time with the impact of our materialistic, consumer-driven culture. Advertisers and toy manufacturers aren't in the business of helping mums and dads teach concepts like contentment and thankfulness. From their perspective, kids are primarily a lucrative sector of the “market”, and they design their publicity campaigns accordingly. As a result, children growing up in our society are conditioned to believe that they're entitled to have everything they want - right now!

One of the best ways you can counter this mentality is by modelling a grateful and selfless attitude yourself. Actions and example always speak louder than words. As you go through your daily routine, remember to express thankfulness to God on a regular basis - even for simple things like a roof over your head and food on the table.

Model gratitude in your relationships with others. Make sure to express thankfulness to friends, relatives and co-workers, and not merely when they do something special for you. Let people know how much you appreciate them just for who they are. While you're at it, express that kind of unconditional gratitude to your daughter as well.

Another way to help your child develop a grateful heart is by serving others who are less fortunate. Visit shut-ins at a nursing home. Consider signing up to sponsor a poor child in a third-world country through an organisation like World Vision or Compassion International. This is a wonderful way to increase your entire family's awareness of the blessings in life, while getting in touch with the needs of people around the world.

This article was written by Focus on the Family Malaysia (www.family.org.my) and the Questions and Answers are extracted from “Complete Family and Marriage Home Reference Guide” by Dr James Dobson with permission.

Kasih sayang, bimbingan atasi trauma kanak-kanak

KUALA LUMPUR: Kanak-kanak seawal usia empat tahun yang berhadapan dengan kejadian traumatik, secara tidak sedar mampu mengingati pengalaman mengerikan itu, namun dengan bimbingan, sokongan dan kasih sayang padu daripada orang sekeliling, mereka mampu membesar dengan tenang.

Pakar Perunding Pediatrik Klinik Pakar Kanak-Kanak Junina, Mutiara Damansara, Dr Yong Junina Fadzil berkata, walaupun usia empat tahun dikira terlalu muda dan tidak memahami banyak perkara, mereka masih mampu mengingati pengalaman traumatik secara sedar ataupun tidak.

Katanya, kanak-kanak kecil yang menyaksikan kejadian trauma seperti pembunuhan ibu bapa kemungkinan besar menyimpan memori itu secara pendam dan menjadi gentar jika melihat aksi atau objek yang boleh dikaitkan dengan kejadian.

“Contohnya, jika dia itu melihat ibunya ditikam, dia mungkin fobia terhadap benda tajam atau hilang kepercayaan kepada orang asing,” katanya ketika dihubungi di sini, semalam.

Dr Yong Junina merujuk kepada laporan Harian Metro semalam mengenai seorang kanak-kanak perempuan berusia empat tahun ditemui kelaparan dan tidak bermaya di sisi ibunya yang sudah berulat dipercayai mati akibat dibunuh kira-kira tiga hari lalu di sebuah rumah teres di Jalan Hua Kee, di Sibu.

Melahirkan Pelajar Pintar

Oleh Dr Aminudin Mansor

Mendapat anak pintar adalah anugerah tidak ternilai daripada Allah. Tidak semua kanak-kanak dilahirkan pintar. Bagaimanapun, anak-anak boleh diasuh dan dididik menjadi pintar, cerdas dan cerdik sejak awal usia lagi. Melalui proses pendidikan sistematik dan ujian, pelajar pintar dapat dikesan dan dikembangkan potensinya. Sekolah sama ada di Taman Didikan Kanak-kanak (Tadika), sekolah rendah dan sekolah menengah seharusnya juga berusaha melahirkan pelajar pintar.

Pelajar pintar atau genius sebenarnya boleh dididik dan dikembangkan bakatnya kerana ia mempunyai keupayaan ke arah pemikiran kreatif dan kritis. Pelajar pintar biasanya tepat dan bijak dalam berbicara, mempunyai ketepatan berfikir dan ketepatan bertindak. Mereka dapat dididik dan membesar dengan sempurna daripada segenap sudut iaitu fizikal dan spiritual. Salah satu kejayaan terbesar guru di sekolah adalah melahirkan ramai pelajar pintar.

Anak-anak yang pintar dan cerdik ibarat permata hati ibu bapa. Tetapi, jika mereka tidak dididik dengan baik dan sempurna, anak-anak ini yang mempunyai potensi cerah pada masa depan akan terbiar dan tidak dipedulikan sesiapa. Ramai anak-anak pintar terdiri daripada kalangan ibu bapa miskin terbiar tanpa mendapat bimbingan dan didikan sempurna. Melalui didikan sistematik dan terancang, guru boleh memainkan peranan melahirkan pelajar pintar.

Salah satu program yang diusahakan sekarang ialah Program Permata Pintar telah dimulakan di Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia (UKM) sejak 2008 untuk mengenal pasti pelajar pintar, cerdas dan berbakat pada peringkat usia awal. Sebelum ini tiada program khusus untuk pelajar pintar bagi meningkatkan kebolehannya.

Menurut Timbalan Menteri di Jabatan Perdana Menteri, Datuk Liew Vui Keong, kerajaan telah memperuntukkan RM7.3 juta untuk Program Permata Pintar di bawah Pakej Rangsangan Ekonomi 1 melibatkan kos operasi perkhemahan cuti sekolah bagi pelajar berjaya melepasi ujian saringan UKM1 dan UKM2.

Tambahnya lagi, penggubalan kursus diadaptasi dari Pusat Belia Berbakat (CTV) di Universiti John Hopkins, Amerika Syarikat dengan pembangunan dan penyelenggaraan sistem online untuk ujian saringan UKM1 dan UKM2 serta latihan kepada tenaga pengajar.

Sementara itu, di bawah Rancangan Malaysia Kesembilan (RMK-9) RM20 juta telah diperuntukkan untuk membina Kompleks Sekolah Permata Pintar di UKM. Statistik menunjukkan 212,143 pelajar daripada pelbagai jenis sekolah telah mengambil ujian Permata Pintar UKM1 antara Mac dan Jun 2009. Usaha ini akan diteruskan dari semasa ke semasa di bawah penyeliaan mereka yang mempunyai kepakaran dalam bidang pendidikan.

Daripada jumlah itu, hanya 4,682 pelajar layak menduduki ujian UKM2 antara 10 hingga 30 Ogos 2009 dan cuma 405 pelajar yang terpilih untuk mengikuti program perkhemahan cuti sekolah Permata Pintar di Fakulti Pendidikan UKM dari 28 November hingga 17 Disember 2009.

Matlamat dan strategi program ini untuk melahirkan lebih ramai pelajar pintar di negara ini. Selain itu, program ini juga dapat mendidik dan melahirkan pelajar pintar sebanyak mungkin mengikut sistem dan ujian yang lebih efektif. Jika selama ini banyak pelajar pintar tidak diendahkan, kini mereka boleh dilahirkan melalui sistem yang sistematik melalui pengajaran dan pembelajaran serta ujian yang lebih berkesan.

Kepintaran dan kecerdasan kanak-kanak ini diperkembangkan lagi untuk mengoptimumkan potensi dan bakat pelajar seawal mungkin. Melalui Program Permata Pintar, anak-anak yang mempunyai keistimewaan iaitu pintar, cerdas dan berbakat akan diuji melalui ujian khas dan modul yang telah disahkan.

Mengimbau sejarah Islam, Luqman al-Hakim adalah seorang tokoh pintar dan seorang ayah penyayang dan bijak dalam mendidik anak-anaknya. Beliau melihat anaknya dengan pandangan penuh kasih sayang. Cara pendidikannya melalui nasihat penuh hikmah, lontaran perbandingan bagi membimbing anak-anak untuk berfikir. Beliau bijak mengatur kata-kata dalam membangunkan kefahaman dan memperkasa jiwa si permata hati.

Nasihat Luqman mengenai keistimewaan dan kecerdasan akal anak. Dia berkata kepada puteranya: “Puteraku, puncak kehormatan dan kedudukan tinggi adalah akal yang cerdas. Orang yang cerdas akalnya, maka akan tertutup semua dosa-dosanya, diperbaiki kesalahan-kesalahannya dan diredai Tuhannya.”

Ibu bapa harus mengambil teladan daripada kisah dan sejarah Luqman dalam pendidikan anak-anak. Bagi meningkatkan potensi minda anak-anak, mereka digalakkan mahir berfikir yang merupakan antara potensi minda yang berperanan penting dalam membuat keputusan dan menyelesaikan masalah.

Kemahiran berfikir di kalangan anak-anak adalah antara potensi minda yang sangat penting untuk melahirkan pelajar pintar. Ia berperanan dalam menentukan kejayaan dalam apa juga bidang diceburi.

Kemahiran berfikir yang sistematik adalah pendidikan memproses minda bagi mencapai sesuatu tujuan. Tokoh pendidik Barat, Dewey memberikan contoh, iaitu mengaitkan berfikir dengan perilaku individu. Beliau berpendapat, kepintaran melalui kemahiran berfikir adalah suatu aktiviti mengawal, menguasai dan menyesuaikan diri pada persekitaran yang sukar.

Sementara pakar psikologi, Mayer, menyifatkan kemahiran berfikir sebagai kemahiran pengolahan operasi mental yang merangkumi pengetahuan, pengamatan dan penghasilan sesuatu. Ia merupakan suatu aktiviti terarah kepada penyelesaian sesuatu masalah.

Costa pula mengaitkan kemahiran berfikir dengan proses penerimaan rangsangan luar oleh minda melalui deria. Selain itu, berfikir dengan sistematik dapat menyelesaikan masalah.

Latihan berfikir yang sistematik dapat melahirkan lebih ramai pelajar pintar, kurang melakukan kesilapan, kecelaruan atau kesilapan berfikir. Ia mengelakkan seseorang daripada berfikir secara terburu-buru, emosional, kabur dan sempit. Berfikir adalah kebolehan semula jadi, kemahiran berfikir boleh dipelajari dan dipertingkatkan.

Ibu bapa harus memahami kejayaan anak pintar adalah terletak kepada cara mereka berfikir. Kursus berkaitan kemahiran berfikir dapat mewujudkan anak-anak pintar dalam pelajaran dan mampu menyelesaikan masalah dalam hidup mereka. Pelajar yang mempunyai intelligence quotient (IQ) tinggi tidak semestinya pandai berfikir dan mereka masih perlu diajar berfikir.

Mengikut kajian, tidak semestinya individu yang mempunyai keputusan peperiksaan yang baik mahir berfikir kerana sistem pendidikan pada hari ini secara amnya berdasarkan sistem hafalan dan menuliskan kembali apa yang telah dipelajari. Ramai di kalangan mereka lemah dalam aspek kemahiran berfikir ke arah penyelesaian masalah dan penjanaan keputusan.

Sesungguhnya, usaha melahirkan pelajar yang pintar mestilah dilakukan dengan cara sistematik melalui ujian penyelesaian masalah dan mencari keputusan tepat.
Kemahiran berfikir mestilah diwujudkan dalam pengajaran dan pembelajaran P&P di dalam kelas di sekolah. Negara memerlukan lebih ramai golongan intelek yang mahir berfikir pada masa depan untuk kemajuan dan pembangunan negara.

Setiap ahli masyarakat perlu sedar betapa pentingnya modal insan pintar yang mampu dan mahir berfikir dapat dilahirkan sebagai pelapis pemimpin masa depan.

Penulis bekelulusan PhD Persuratan Melayu